Things were really better. Not were, are. We got alot out in the open and talked about who has been feeling what. I've felt a sense of understanding about losing you. But Christmas came and I couldn't take a new family picture. I paused when writing out gift tags that didn't include your name. There was no footie pajamas or onesies under the tree. And what would that requisite family letter look like?
Dear Family,
It's been a tough year for us, but one full of learning and growing. We've had scary accidents, happy announcements, traumatic losses, depression, numbness and mental breaks, and just when we start feeling better it all comes rolling around again. Heres hoping that 2011 holds alot less drama than the year before.
Lisa
1.03.2011
9.11.2010
losing you
I missed Easter this year,
And a birthday came and went.
An entire summer season
Passed by - forgetfully spent.
Now it's Autumn -
I think I'm missing it too.
I'm afraid of losing everything, child,
In my grief of losing you.
And a birthday came and went.
An entire summer season
Passed by - forgetfully spent.
Now it's Autumn -
I think I'm missing it too.
I'm afraid of losing everything, child,
In my grief of losing you.
5.23.2010
a retraction
So, only because there are friends with whom I am only in touch via blog posts and because I opened the subject a while back - I'm putting this post out there so I can move on. Y'know with all those cute stories and witty observations you all love so much. Here it is...
No new Crosby baby in September. I went in for a regular appointment last week and we couldn't find a heartbeat (we had heard it the appointment previous), subsequent hours in the ER and two ultrasounds later I learned that the baby had stopped developing only days earlier. No obvious reason, just one of those things.
Mostly, we're okay. Sad, but okay. I can see God's hand in the experience - so much so in the timing; my mom was here when I found out, Trevor started a unusually long weekend off the next day, and I had an amazing nurse during the difficult hours at the hospital.
So that's it, that's all. You can ask me about it if you want - I probably won't cry on you, in fact, really like to talk about my little guy. I think maybe it helped that I knew of so many women who had lost pregnancies, so that I was able to be accepting of our loss. But mostly it was because I know I have a loving Heavenly Father who always does what's best for me - even if I don't understand why, or it feels like the worst thing in the world.
"I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consumming of my flesh. " [2 Nephi 4: 19-21]
No new Crosby baby in September. I went in for a regular appointment last week and we couldn't find a heartbeat (we had heard it the appointment previous), subsequent hours in the ER and two ultrasounds later I learned that the baby had stopped developing only days earlier. No obvious reason, just one of those things.
Mostly, we're okay. Sad, but okay. I can see God's hand in the experience - so much so in the timing; my mom was here when I found out, Trevor started a unusually long weekend off the next day, and I had an amazing nurse during the difficult hours at the hospital.
So that's it, that's all. You can ask me about it if you want - I probably won't cry on you, in fact, really like to talk about my little guy. I think maybe it helped that I knew of so many women who had lost pregnancies, so that I was able to be accepting of our loss. But mostly it was because I know I have a loving Heavenly Father who always does what's best for me - even if I don't understand why, or it feels like the worst thing in the world.
"I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consumming of my flesh. " [2 Nephi 4: 19-21]
2.09.2010
Happy Valentine's Day
Roses are red,
Our hearts are true....
But we wouldn't mind sharing you with somebody new.
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